Is it unhealthy in a relationship for me or my partner to tell the other how they should act, or who they should talk to and spend time with?
You can ask yourself the following:
-Why is he/she telling me this?
-Is it to protect me from unhealthy influences or to control me?
If you find yourself or a friend experiencing this, I urge you to tell a trusted adult or counselor immediately. Talk to your friend about what is unhealthy, but also understand that if they are emotionally involved and invested in a relationship, it may be harder for them to see and understand the greater issue of the negative things that are occurring.
What could a person do if they or a friend are in an unhealthy relationship?
Identify the things that make you uncomfortable and communicate your feelings of being in an unhealthy relationship with the other person. Even when you really like someone, if the relationship is unhealthy then it may not be the best thing for you as an individual.
Be mindful of these unhealthy characteristics: jealousy, fear, possessiveness or controlling behavior, verbal criticisms, social isolation, violent behavior, broken promises, and sexual pressure or abuse. Any type of threat to you physically is NEVER acceptable.
If you find yourself or a friend experiencing this, I urge you to tell a trusted adult or counselor immediately. Talk to your friend about what is unhealthy, but also understand that if they are emotionally involved and invested in a relationship, it may be harder for them to see and understand the greater issue of the negative things that are occurring. This is another reason that it is a good idea to tell a trusted adult.
How do I know if I am unhealthy or abusive in a relationship?
A good way to monitor this is if you see unhealthy or abusive characteristics in yourself that happen repeatedly, and are a pattern. If your partner or someone else has expressed the concern that you do unhealthy things or have an unhealthy attitude in a relationship, this may be a warning sign.
It is always a good idea to seek advice or counsel from a trusted adult–no one is perfect, and everyone has to learn how a healthy relationship functions. The best thing you can do for you, your current relationships, and future relationships is to seek advice if you have questions.
Another helpful resource to look at would be this list of warning signs in an unhealthy relationship, found at this link: http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/
I am not sure about what is healthy and what is not in some relationships?
In every relationship (friendly or romantic), you should feel safe and comfortable communicating with another person. There should be freedom to communicate what you want and how you feel to one another, without one person pressuring the other in any way. This is part of respecting one another and each other’s value as an individual. If you have specific questions, I would recommend that you talk to a trusted adult about it.
Some characteristics of a healthy relationship are:
- Mutual Respect
- Separate Identities
- Good Communication
Some characteristics of an unhealthy relationship are:
- Jealousy and Fear
- Possessiveness and Controlling Behavior
- Verbal Criticisms
- Social Isolation
- Violent Behavior
- Drugs and Alcohol
- Broken Promises
- Sexual Abuse or Pressure
The main point of abuse is to try to manipulate and control another person emotionally, verbally, and physically. Any type of abuse is never okay. We should treat others with honor and respect because everyone has value and is worthy of that.
If you have questions about a specific relationship or situation being abusive, I encourage you to talk to your parents or an older, trusted adult who can give you advice on how to best handle the situation.
liveonpoint.org, adapted from The Domestic Violence and Incest Resource Center, DVIRC, 2009; But I Love Him, Dr. Jill Murray, 2000.
When everyone around you is sexually active and you feel like you’re the only one that isn’t, how do you handle that?
It is important that you know you are making decisions that are healthy and wise, regardless of what your friends and people around you are doing. One thing you could do is find a trusted friend or mentor to be your “accountability partner”–someone who supports your decision to not be sexually active and will be a person you can talk to when you may be struggling with this temptation. It is a good thing to have someone who can help and give you advice on how to avoid sexual activity.
If someone is pressuring me to have sex who should I tell?
A trusted adult, and if he/she does not give you healthy advice or offer solutions for your safety– find another trusted adult (such as a school nurse or counselor). It is NEVER okay to feel pressured and you are worth protecting.
What are the positives of not having sex until you are married?
You will not have had sex with anyone else and not have anyone with whom to compare your spouse. Along with this, there is a much lower risk of contracting STD/STIs. In the event that you do become pregnant, there is more structure and support to create a healthy environment for a child. Statistics show that those that have not been sexually active before marriage rate relationship satisfaction, communication, and pleasure higher.
Hendrick, Bill. “Benefits in Delaying Sex Until Marriage.” Ed. Louise Chang. WebMD Health News 28 Dec. 2010. Print. (Article Source: News Release, American Psychological Association. Busby, D. Journal of Family Psychology, 2010.)